~Knowledge is power, everything grows~

~ 18 / Auckland, New Zealand / Male / Deanish / Taken ~

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Life is pretty crazy, a couple months ago I was quite happy to kill myself, I had no job and no car to get one or money to buy a car to get to one, I had a majorly tough break up with a long time girlfriend, I was fighting mental illness and it felt like I was losing quite badly, life didn’t seem like living was worth it. But I decided to make the ballsiest decision, I set my mind on moving country by myself, going in totally alone with the hopes of changing my life around, I thought if life wasn’t worth living, what’s to lose in doing something crazy? So at age 18 with no more than $200, a bag of clothing and a plane ticket I went from my comfy room with my computer, unlimited food and wifi in my large family home in Australia to travel by myself to New Zealand with the hope that it would all work out and to be honest a lot of things didn’t, there was some hard times, but something had changed, I felt determined to get through them, I didn’t come all this way to fail now. And so with every set back, every time most people would just through their arms up and call it a day I kept going. I needed to keep going, something told me stopping wasn’t in the cards anymore, so I did.

I cut all the cancers out of my life, “friends”, people who once meant something to me but were dragging me down with their shitty lives, past relationships that i clinged to, doubt, fear, laziness, I scraped each piece of grit out of my skin until my wounds, cuts and scars were free to heal. I made goals, set them so I couldn’t stop until they were finished, sometimes I couldn’t make them but that didn’t discourage me. Jobs wouldn’t pan out, living arrangements would collapse around me as people had mislead me, bad news would strike, bad health as well, but that wasn’t stopping me. I went to job interviews when I should have been in hospital, running small jobs for little cash to pay to print more resumes and to buy food for myself. And eventually my work paid off, jobs started working out, stable living, people started appearing that would truly support and appreciate me, a far cry from the relationships of old. Life began to stop looking like a problem, life had become a solutions, I could use it now where before I was wanting to drop it.

Weeks past and things were holding, bad news struck a couple times, a long time friend had hung herself, some bad family news had come up, but I hadn’t let that stop me, I was determined to keep life going, I had to. Eventually I met someone, someone that changed the whole game, where before I had a blurry idea of what I wanted out of life she had given me a clear goal, she was my end goal. You see; I met a girl that was eveything I could ask for and more and she began to repair all of my breaks that had been left unfixed for so long and I can’t think of anyone I would sacrifice everything for like I would for her. So with my job, my body, my every thought and action I am doing all I can to be with her, I will cross oceans and land masses to be with her. I love actually love someone and this is the first time I’ve ever said it and understood what it’s meant and how it feels to love a person that isn’t a lover or someone you fuck, she is my bestfriend and my partner. I owe her my life and I plan to gladly give it to her. I haven’t smiled like I have with her in my life, I’m happy and I haven’t been for a very long time.

So I’m here now, working every hour I can to make myself the best person I can for her, working to make money so I can be with her, I’ve picked up skateboarding like I always said I would but was to lazy to do, I got back into lyric writing which I had long abandoned, I do everything that i want to do without fear of failure or rejection, I stay positive and I thank my precious girlfriend, my family who have stayed true to me since the beginning and my friends for a happy month completely medication-free and it would have been impossible without their true love and support. I’m clinically free of my previously diagnosed severe depression and anxiety disorders. I’m moving to the UK to live and work, to be with my girlfriend and pursuit a music career as a vocalist in a death metal band and further higher educationto do work I will enjoy going to every day. These are big goals, but I know I can do anything I put my mind to.

Life is pretty crazy indeed, but it wouldn’t be life if it wasn’t.

Knowledge is power, everything grows.

inturlrude:

what the fuck is happening over in America?

Jimmt Falon playsa teenage girl eerily well

(Source: fallongifs, via svfferingsoul)

i-am-mishafuckingcollins:

tanikayforever:

Lilo discovers she looks like her mom when she was Lilo’s age.

Because of Stitch

Back when Spongebob was well written.

(Source: 2000ish, via youwillunderstand)

candyfuckedxo:

fen-1994:

Why do you keep saying that?!

Heteronormativity in action.

She warned him, I don’t see why he was so shocked to find out she dated a girl.

(Source: ballcocktail, via supercassbuttpie)

(Source: bewareofmpreg, via flowers-for-the-sad)

(Source: andremichaux, via svfferingsoul)

(Source: ixilecter, via flowers-for-the-sad)

clitorito:

The last one

(Source: pleatedjeans, via unsubmissive)

b-luesheep:

adamthealien:


Molly Ringwald was supposed to dance alone but she was too embarrassed so John Hughes made everybody dance.

And thank God he did, or we wouldn’t have one of the most iconic sequences of the 80’s and cinema as a whole.

God bless john
When girls in bars hit on me.